God is Good. He just is...when He talked about being "I AM," one of the things he could finish that title with is "GOOD. I AM GOOD." When I don't know anything else, I can hold onto the fact that He is good. Always. Without fail...He is good.
2011 hasn't been an easy year. You know, some years, months, weeks, days are just easy. They're good...everyone is healthy and happy, bills are paid, work is successful...things just seem to be working. 2011 hasn't been one of those years. The last 2 months haven't been easy months. This has not been a good week. But God is still good, that never changes. He is the constant even when my season isn't.
This has been one of those seasons that it takes everything in me not to feel defeated...that it takes all of the will power I have to keep the white flag put away so I don't just throw up my hands and say, "that's it...I give up." One step forward, two steps back. Every time I have a small victory, I have a bigger battle arise. Just one of those seasons. But God is still good. Some of the battles have been huge, life-changing, heartbreaking, frustrating. Others have been small and insignificant. During the big battles, God has been SO GOOD. His goodness has been tangible. The peace has been only something He can offer, and it has been easy to profess His goodness because it is so real. But sometimes it's the small battles that make us tired...that make it harder to have victory in the big battles. It's often in the small battles that it's hard to remember that God is good.
This has been a week of small battles. By yesterday, I was just tired, exhausted. Russ took the girls to the park so I could "have some alone time" as Hailee puts it. I sat down in the living room with my Bible, unsure where to even turn. I opened it up and the page automatically turned to Psalm 119. I had certain parts highlighted...I don't even remember when I highlighted them. I looked down and this is what I saw:
"You are good, the source of good; train me in your goodness. My troubles turned out all for the best; they forced me to learn from your textbook. Truth from your mouth means more to me than striking it rich in a gold mine. With your very own hands you formed me; now breathe your wisdom over me so I can understand you. When they see me waiting, expecting your Word, those who fear you will take heart and be glad. I can see now, God, that your decisions are right; your testing has taught me what's true and right. Oh, love me and right now! Hold me tight! Just the way you promised. Now comfort me so I can live, really live; your revelation is the tune I dance to." Psalm 119:68,71-77 (The Message)
I had to laugh. In all the little, everyday battles, all the tedious challenges that had begun to defeat me, I had forgotten the thing that has gotten me through the big battles. God is good. I have been repeating it to myself for the last 24 hours. God is good, God is good, God is good. It helped me today as I did my dance...two steps forward, one step back. It helped me in my small victory this morning only to be followed immediately by a new, bigger battle. It helped me when a lady yelled at me out of her car window this afternoon at the store...it helped me walk away and not say anything even though I wanted to turn around and say a few, choice words. What would Jesus do? I'm convinced that sometimes Jesus just walked away, sometimes I think He remained sinless by just keeping his mouth shut! Granted, He probably didn't think the things I thought, so He still got the sinless title, while I definitely don't come close!
You know sometimes we just need that small reminder that He cares. Maybe it's because I'm a very forgetful person. Regardless, I think He knew I needed a little "hug" this afternoon. So as I pulled into a very busy HEB parking lot (after being yelled at in the previous parking lot), I just said, "Lord, could you please help me find a parking spot close to the front? I need to get balloons and I don't want them to blow away on a long walk back to the car." And this is the terrible part. I actually thought, Why would He help me find a parking spot. He's got bigger things going on than my little need. And then I looked up. The spot right by the door...not in a aisle, but by the curb 15 feet from the door, opened up, just for me. I sat in the car and thought, Thanks, God. I really needed that hug.
It was just a small reminder that He knows....that He cares...that He sees all the battles big and small. It was just a small reminder that HE IS GOOD!